COPING

Of all the challenges you are facing, as described throughout this booklet, adjusting to the emotional impact of what has happened is the most crucial. You cannot help your loved one if you do not help and protect yourself. Use the strategies described below, and enlist the expertise of hospital professionals such as social workers and psychologists to assist you.

Acknowledge the feelings you are having, even if you think they are unreasonable. Share them with friends, family, and professionals. those around you are most likely feeling the same way. Talk with other families who have experienced a similar crisis; join support groups, if possible. Learn how to "let go" of "what was" in order to accept "what is". Be sensitive and honest with immediate family members, especially children, as the changes in the family will be apparent and confusing. Give family members permission to ask questions, provide realistic information. Record feelings along with information in your journal and refer to it when needed.

Maintain your physical health. Eat nutritiously, exercise if possible, safeguard against fatigue. The demands to be at the hospital may increase, as your family member becomes more alert. Learn to accept offers of help from family and friends. Allow others to take turns at bed- side. Respond to "is there anything I can do to help?" with a specific, but manageable task such as transport your child to school, mow the lawn, feed the cat. You cannot be everything to everyone.

Do not neglect the other members of the family and significant relationships. Sustaining a reliable support system is important for long-term coping. With the enlisted help of friends and relatives, resume some normal activities, try to maintain a family routine and remain connected to the "outside world". This is particularly important for young children in the family. Be aware that changes in roles and dependency patterns within the family are unavoidable during this crisis. Plan time for recreation. Use the time away from the hospital to renew your energy to continue.